The Harry Potter Dating Game
by mimeofquidditch
Summary: PG-13 for language a bit later, inuendos, and more. This is pointless humor. No flames cause those would be pointless too because you've been warned. The Harry Potter Dating Game...but where the bloody hell is Potter? Draco thinks he's lerking looks shift


Hi y'all...lol. I'm back for now. I'll post a story...wee..! enthusiasm! That's rare. Oh, well...HERE GOES:  
  
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Disclaimer: as you all may know Miss Sly (me) doesn't own any of the J.K. Rowling stuff. That includes the characters, the settings, and exedra.  
  
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* I dream of Genie - music plays *  
  
Announcer - Weeeeelllllccccomee to The Harry! Potter! Dating! Game!!  
  
Live audience - *claps and cheers*  
  
Announcer -HEEEEEEEEERE'S your host! SLY! FIDELTE!  
  
Live audience - *claps and cheers louder*  
  
Sly - Hello folks! Today we have some very special -  
  
Draco - Why is the show called "The Harry Potter Dating game", when Potter isn't even here? Is he lurking somewhere? *looks around in paranoid fashion*  
  
Sly - *in an irritated voice* Stay behind the screen!  
  
Draco - And why is Lockhart -  
  
Sly - *rolls eyes* STUPIFY!  
  
Draco - *falls*  
  
Sly - As I was saying, -  
  
Lockhart - Can I Lick You? o_O  
  
Sly - *mutters* they don't pay me enough to do this.ARG! * Pushes Lockhart off of lap*  
  
Lockhart - *on the floor* hee, hee, hee,.  
  
Sly - *massages temples* Moving on. Today we have a very special show planned. Our lucky bachelor is -  
  
Announcer - out cold.  
  
Sly - Pardon?  
  
Announcer - you stunned him.  
  
Sly - Ahhh.  
  
Director - CUT! Bunny! Roll a commercial  
  
Bunny - squeak!  
  
---------Commercial------  
  
*Man playing piano*  
  
And now for something completely different:  
  
Penguin - *runs around in circles* squawk!  
  
Elephant - *squishes penguin*  
  
Penguin - x__x  
  
---------End Commercial------  
  
Director- Bunny! Is he awake?  
  
Bunny - squeak!  
  
Director - But What does it all mean?!  
  
Bunny - squeak!  
  
Director - ah..  
  
Draco - *stirs*  
  
Sly - Finally.  
  
Draco - *looks dazed and confused* Wh.where am I?  
  
Sly - Here.  
  
Draco - .  
  
Sly - Any ways.. Our lucky bachelor for today is DRACO MALFOY!  
  
Draco - WHAT?!?!  
  
Live audience - *claps and cheers*  
  
Draco - ?!!?  
  
Sly - Alright then *said in false cheery voice* Lets see who we've -  
  
Announcer - And that's all we have time for today! Tune in next time. Same Dating Game time, same Dating Game channel!  
  
Sly -But-!  
  
Camera -*is off*  
  
Sly - *curses*  
  
Lockhart - Do you want my autograph? I've learned joined-up writing you know!  
  
~~~~ Sly - are you going to cooperate?  
  
Draco - *is bound and gagged* yef!*in a muffled voice*  
  
Sly - what was that?  
  
Draco - Grrr.  
  
Sly - oh fine . just let me ..  
  
Director - you do know you're on the air.  
  
Sly - O_O  
  
Draco - @#$! %+ * &%$!!!  
  
Sly - Language, Draco! Language!  
  
Director - Bring out the contestants and get a blindfold on him..  
  
Sly - er.I used it to gag him.  
  
Director -so take it off *walks over to Draco to un-gag him*  
  
Sly - I wouldn't do that if I were-  
  
Draco - *bellows* MOTHER F****R! @#$! %+ * &%$!!! WHEN MY FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS HE'LL-  
  
Director - *gags Draco* Why didn't you warn me?  
  
Sly - I did.  
  
Director - try harder next time.  
  
Sly - anyway.our contestants are competing for a date with Draco, 1501 galleons, and Draco's broom!  
  
Draco - *is still gagged * WTF?!?  
  
Sly - Yes, Draco.I know your excited.  
  
Draco - *Glares*  
  
Sly - Anyways. Lets introduce contestant number one!!!!  
  
A screen is lit up and you can see a women's profile behind it.  
  
Sly - Jennifer, Why don't you tell us about yourself...  
  
Jennifer - You can call me jenny Draco...  
  
Draco -*mutters incoherently*  
  
Jennifer - I have brown eyes, neutral blond hair (really light brown), I'm 5'7, I'm 15, and I'm really fun to be around with, I make friends really easily, I'm really nice and...  
  
Draco -*is interested*  
  
Sly - MOVING ON!!  
  
Jennifer - OH NO B*TC#! You DID NOT just cut me off! You're shagging Draco aren't you?!  
  
Sly - *tosses clip board aside* YOU WANT SOME OF THIS!?  
  
Jennifer - BRING IT ON!!!!  
  
Sly and Jennifer - *Cat fight*  
  
Director - *sighs* Bunny...  
  
Bunny - SQUEAK!  
  
Director - Roll a commercial...  
  
Bunny - Squeak...  
  
----Commercial----  
  
Fred - I wish I had some candied yams.  
  
George - Me too!  
  
Ron - Me three!  
  
Ginny - Well wish no more brothers mine! We'll just pop down to Yams for less! 0.5 APR on your first purchase!  
  
Fred, George, and Ron - YAY!  
  
Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny -  
  
Yams for less  
  
Yams for less  
  
Makes it oh so nice to say tuck in!  
  
----End of Commercial----  
  
Sly -*in a corner* hiss!  
  
Jennifer - *behind a screen* Bite me!  
  
Draco - gladly *winks*  
  
Sly - *cracks a whip at Draco* Back!  
  
Jennifer - Hey! ~~~~ Director -and We're on in 5  
  
Draco - Remind me why I have to be here.  
  
Director - 4  
  
Sly - because if you leave then I get to keep your man hood and feed it to my thestral, Jub-Jub.  
  
Director -3  
  
Jub-Jub - Licks "lips"  
  
Draco -*squeaks in fear*  
  
Director -2,1  
  
* I dream of Genie - music plays *  
  
Announcer - Weeeeelllllccccomee to The Harry! Potter! Dating! Game!!  
  
Live audience - *claps and cheers*  
  
Announcer -HEEEEEEEEERE'S your host! SLY! FIDELTE!  
  
Live audience - *claps and cheers louder*  
  
Sly - Hello folks! Today we are going to introduce contestant number two and three!  
  
Audience - *is silent*  
  
Sly - *in demon voice* CLAP!  
  
Audience - claps  
  
Sly - *in game show host voice* Okay, contestant number two!  
  
Screen is lit up and a woman's profile is shown  
  
Sly - contestant number two! Why don't you tell us a bit about your self?  
  
Contestant Number Two - Erm...okay. I've love books, schoolwork, my friends, especially Ron Wea- oops.cans you edit that part out?  
  
Sly - er...sure *looks dodgy*  
  
Contestant Number Two - Right, I have brown hair.it's kind of.erm.what's the word?  
  
Sly - Big?  
  
Contestant Number Two - NO!  
  
Draco - *looks at camera* I wonder who it could be!*is serious*  
  
Sly - thank you Her- Contestant Cumber Two.  
  
Audience- *claps*  
  
Teen age boy in audience - I WANNA SEE SOME SEX AND VIOLENCE!!!  
  
Audience - *agrees*  
  
Sly -*rolls eyes*  
  
----comercial----  
  
CHILDREN:  
  
Every sperm is sacred.  
  
Every sperm is great.  
  
If a sperm is wasted,  
  
God gets quite irate.  
  
GIRL:  
  
Let the heathen spill theirs  
  
On the dusty ground.  
  
God shall make them pay for  
  
Each sperm that can't be found.  
  
CHILDREN:  
  
Every sperm is wanted.  
  
Every sperm is good.  
  
Every sperm is needed  
  
In your neighborhood.  
  
-----end of commercial-----  
  
Sly- Bunny! What was that all about.  
  
Bunny- *squeaks and shrugs*  
  
Sly - anyway contestant number three!  
  
Screen lights up and a mans profile is shown  
  
Draco -WTF?!  
  
Sly - Jub-Jub!  
  
Jub-Jub - *licks "lips"  
  
Draco - *squeaks in fear*  
  
Sly - contestant number three! Tell us about your self.  
  
Contestant number three - Okay! I like signing things now that I've learned joined-up letters.I'm the most handsome man on earth.  
  
Draco - Pft!  
  
Contestant number three - OH! And my current place of residents is that nice room with the padded walls, in this place called St. something or other.  
  
Sly - *giggles*  
  
Draco -*looks mutinous*  
  
Announcer - And that's all we have time for today! Tune in next time. Same Dating Game time, same Dating Game channel! 


End file.
